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As Supreme Dictator

February 11, 2010

my first act will be to review a mascara that I purchased earlier this week.

The product in question is Maybelline XXL Pro Curl , a double-ended tube filled with a curling primer and a black mascara.  The claims on the back of the package are as follows:

2 steps to fabulous curled lashes.   Step 1:Curls to a 45 degree angle.   Step 2: Provides 12-hour hold.
Step 1: Sweep XX-treme Curl basecoat through lashes to lengthen and curl.   Step 2: Follow with XX-treme Hold topcoat to lock on super-intense color and 12-hour wear.
Removes easily with soap and water or Maybelline New York Expert Eyes 100% Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover.

The first thing that bothered me about this mascara was the brush.  Both brushes were huge and curvy, and the primer brush hardly picked up any product.  Because of this, I ended up stabbing my eyes just trying to get them coated with the little bit of product stuck to the center of the brush.  Not cool, Maybelline.

look at those monsters

First, my naked eyes:

I don't actually have two sets of eyes.

After applying the primer and letting it dry, I checked out the initial results.  Although I did notice some curlitude going on with my eye-fringe, I highly doubt that it was a 45 degree angle.  Maybe 30-35 degrees.  I did, however, notice a little bit of lengthening, which was kind of nice. At this point, I was hoping the attached mascara would fully coat my now curly-but-faded lashes and reveal them to be a glorious swooping curtain of prettiness.  Instead, I went from this primer coated weirdness:

Snow lashes!

…to this:

Can you see the confusion in my face?

What is this crap?  My eyelashes look sort of short because the tips are invisible. The mascara couldn’t even cover them because Godzilla-brush kept running into my cornea.  I spent about four minutes trying to darken them, as well as trying to comb out the stupid clumps that were frigging everywhere.  I think that the curved brush couldn’t pick up the product evenly, what with the massive kink, and it ended up with globs of mascara on some parts and almost none on others.  And what’s up with the whole “10 eyelashes per side” thing?  They were sticking to each other worse than bare, sweaty skin and leather couch cushions.  To make matters more sucktacular, it smudged pretty badly after only four hours of wear at work, where I was mostly sitting at a desk.  FFFFFFFFF.

After this round of disappointment, I thought I’d at least give the primer another chance; it looked so promising that I wanted to believe it didn’t completely suck balls.  The mascara that I used for my second application was Maybelline Colossal Volum’ Express Waterproof, and it looked like-a-so:

what the what?

Way better results, in my opinion.  The mascara isn’t at clumpy, it actually covered the tips of my eyelashes, I didn’t suffer horrendous pain and humiliation, AND it offered a little separation for my poor lashes.

Tl;dr summary:

  • The brushes are huge, not for people with small eyes/lashes.
  • Mascara formula sucks.
  • Primer is okay.

I don’t think I would recommend this mascara to anyone.  Although the primer is a decent formula, you get a very small amount of product for around $8US.  Don’t waste your money.

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